No, I have not seen Brokeback Mountain

So I played tennis with Lee today, in Cary, and after I'd beat him (surprise! 6-0, 6-1) we hit up the nearby Dairy Queen for some Asian-made patties and syrupy treats. That's how we roll. We walk in and are greeted by this snaggle-toothed black guy who's running the register. He was missing like the right half of his upper set of teeth and as if in compensation his remaining teeth on the other side were all oversized and jagged and pointing in odd directions. He reminded me simultaneously of two things from the Simpsons (again, surprise): the projections of how Lisa would look if she never had braces and Gummy Joe. Anyway, I order my #1 combo with a Mello Yello (no ice) and he processes it and instead of announcing the total he points to where it is displayed on the register. Maybe he was sensitive about talking because he'd have to show off that mouth straight outta the Big Book of British Smiles, I dunno, but I was a little put off by the gesture and gave Lee a look that said something like "what a prick." I think he sensed this, and as he was waiting for me to get my cash out he tries to strike up a conversation to make amends.

Register Dude: "So, have you seen Brokeback Mountain?"

Me: "Um, no, can't say that I have..."

Internal Dialogue: "Are you hitting on me?"

RD: "Yeah, it was nominated for like 4 Golden Globes I think and it was directed by Ang Lee, the guy who directed Crouching Tiger"

-me getting cash-

RD: "and it's supposed to be really good, and..."

-him taking cash-

Me: "Yeah, that's cool man, but I can't say that I've seen it."

Where the fuck does this guy get off asking me a question like that? Do I look like someone who would go see Brokeback Mountain? If anything Lee's the Brokeback Mountain watcher, with his operas and his Guys and his Dolls and his knowledge of cheeses. I was really disturbed by the whole encounter.

At least for a moment...turns out the guy was full of non sequiturs, coz after Lee orders he just starts babbling about some girl who used to work at the DQ and who knew all this shit about medicine and herbs and shit, and believe me, Lee had said nothing to prompt this. So I didn't feel quite as emasculated after I realized he was just some crazy toothed loon.

Gummy Joe: