Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Where's the Tin? Wuxi Be Damned (Part 1)

Well, I've said some nice things, now's the fun part: wailing on the city that gratiously accommodated me for the past 5 months like it was a disobedient Iraqi prisoner. Problems I had during my Wuxi experience:


The co-workers - man have I been waiting to talk shit about these guys. First, I want to make it clear, that I had no problem with my Chinese co-workers. They weren't the chattiest or friendliest bunch but they were more or less sane and helpful. My problem was with the other laowais (foreigners) employed by my school...

My students were enrolled in a German sponsored program designed to eventually send capable students abroad to study business and earn a bachelor's degree in said field. As such, throughout the semester we cycled through a roster of guest lecturers, predominantly Germans, and predominantly crazy. As Matt Damon would remind us, there were some good Germans. R., who was there for the first two months or so of my contract, was a decent well-balanced normal fella with whom I shared many a beer. The Sirens, as I ironically thought of them, were three attractive and normal-acting gentle-ladies of my own demographic who were also committed to taciturnity, unlike their namesakes. And there were some older fellas who seemed perfectly fine, but with the exception of an interesting half-hour discussing the blitzkrieg with one guy who was 70 or so I didn't interact with them much.

But then we come to the crazies. M, who was a German of Korean ancestry, and whom R had talked up and later introduced me to eagerly (since we shared a Korea connection) was fucking batshit crazy. At first I thought he was just one of those insecure people who talk too much about themselves, and who're commonly encountered among expatriate circles. But I think it was when he and I were walking down the street, cross current through a river of motor-bikes, and I made some innocent comment about being annoyed by all of them, and he then jumped in the air and with a way too loud "hee-YAH!" tried to dropkick the next bike that crossed our path, I think it was then that I knew he was crazy...

Then there was T, whose passions included talking about himself, talking about history, talking about anything basically. Imagine it's a sub-zero early morning. Imagine our hero, underdressed, shivering, waiting outside at the bus stop for the university's bus to take him to work. Imagine T, an even slighter, portlier fellow than our hobbit-like central character, at his elbow. Imagine 30 minutes have passed by in this Siberian purgatory, and Anthony is trying to hail a cab because it doesn't seem the bus will ever come. Frostbitten toes and fingers. A noseless future. Cold that makes me curse myself for ever damning the sultry sufferings of summer. And T is following me around like a guardian angel, totally ignoring the crisis at hand, and together with the cold talking my fucking ear off about the 7 year's war. This guy never shut up. Never ever ever. I can see him now, a doomed 3rd class passenger in the bowels of the sinking Titanic, consoling sobbing co-passengers with his thoughts about sauerkraut.

There was also Mr. S, who I more or less grew to like but who bugged the hell out of me at first. He was the other English teacher, and was a native Mauritian with Canadian residency. He'd lived an interesting life it seemed: he had published several books about Mauritius, served in its foreign service, and traveled extensively. He was also much older than I, and tho he couldn't hold a candle to T, he too was no stranger to over-speaking and seemed to be an expert in everything. He claimed to be a trained hypnotherapist, and insinuated several times that he would be happy to put me under to cure whatever ailed me. He believed in past lives, and his wife, D (who I only met once) was a renowned psychic (supposedly). (When I asked her to read my palm, all she would commit to was that I had a hard time holding onto money - which is certainly true, but considering that I was on my 5th or 6th $7 jack and coke at that point I remain dubious.) He also claimed to be a Christian, and when he finally squeezed it out of me that I was an atheist he kept bringing up issues of faith over and over again. He wore sunglasses inside almost all of the time, and a ring with an oversized purple gem on it constantly. He had more children than a Catholic prince, and all seemed to have accomplished great things - one was a brilliant doctor, one was the former Miss Mauritius, that sort of thing. But as I said I grew to like him, well, that's going too far...let's say I grew to dread his company less and less.

There were others, but I've covered the two I loathed the most, and Mr. S who was arguably the most intersting, and in so doing have expended more words than they merit. More Wuxi negativity to come.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Who Needs Tin? In Praise of Wuxi

("Wu Xi" = "No Tin")


Well, I made it out. I've left Wuxi, and I've no plans to return*. There were a lot of things that bugged me about the place, and we'll get to that, but I thought it best to focus on the positive first, and to praise the city as much as I can. Good things about Wuxi:


The People - the Chinese people that I came to know during my brief stay were, all in all, friendly, outgoing, helpful people. They may have been surprised to see a foreigner walking down the street, but they weren't leery of me, either.


The English - English was spoken more in Wuxi than in any other foreign city I've lived in. The Chinese, unlike the Koreans, seem to be much more willing to gamble "losing face" and speaking broken English to the laowai. Random everyday people: taxi drivers, McDonald's workers, strangers in bathrooms, travel agents...all were willing to try and communicate with me in my native tongue rather than bombarding me with a string of incomprehensible derka. I appreciated that.


The Food - the Wuxi style of Chinese food is a little sweet for my tastes, but there's a reason Chinese cuisine is one of the world's favorites.


The Foreign Amenities - Wuxi had more foreign bars, restaurants, and shops than any other Asian city I've lived in. There were 6 or 7 dedicated laowai bars/cafes, compared to Incheon, which has 2, and Bucheon which has 3. Again, Wuxi +1.


The Omnipresent KFCs - holy fried chicken Batman, the Chinese are crazy about KFC. It's like Starbucks in Seattle, there's one on every corner. I found the fare to be alarmingly disgusting, but the ubiquity of the chain and its popularity with the Chinese I found to be, well, cute.

The Work - all in all, I enjoyed my job. The students were fairly advanced and fairly attentive, and the hours were great. I didn't care for the hour plus commute each way, but that's a minor quibble.

The Next Door Neighbors - Wuxi's close (an hour or so via train) to a lot of attractive cities - Shanghai, Nanjing, Suzhou and Hangzhou. Incheon has Seoul, and that's it, and Seoul's got nothing on Shanghai. Well, maybe a little something, but not much.

The Prices - I wasn't making much, which was part of why I left, but day to day I lived quite comfortably on under $20/day, and this includes boozing, taxi rides, things like that. China can be quite cheap.

That's about it.

*Of course, I wrote something similar after leaving Korea the first time

Friday, January 09, 2009

Of Dinner Parties

Why, oh why, did I answer the phone? When I came home Wednesday night I saw that I'd missed a call from my boss, and I knew there were only two reasons she might be calling: 1)something super important has happened and I must be informed (revolution, earthquake, etc.) or 2) she's inviting me to another staff party.

I'd deftly avoided previous engagements. I, ahem, forgot completely about my invitation to the first dinner party, and I, ahem, was sick the day of the end of term school-wide party and couldn't make it in. But when she called back a few minutes later, I, dumbass that I am, answered. Who knew? #1 could've been the reason.

It wasn't. And I couldn't say no again. So I agreed to attend the department farewell dinner the following day. Which was last night.

There's a reason I hate attending these sorts of things, because I know exactly how they'll go. And last night was exactly as I expected.

I'm seated at a table with a bunch of Chinese teachers with whom I've shared an office for four months of minimal social interaction. They're chatting away gaily in Chinese. I'm alternating between taking bites of the fatty slabs of meat circulated around the table on the lazy susan and sipping my awful Great Wall red wine. Someone from another table, half-drunk, comes to ours and toasts our health and the new year. Everyone stands up, clinks glasses together, something is said in Chinese, and we sit down. Back to the awful food and awful wine. No, wait, here comes some more awful company! Everyone stands up again, toasts the gathered company, and sits again. Repeat repeat repeat.

After two hours I excused myself. Well, I didn't make an excuse, I just got up, said happy new year, and left. I must remember not to answer the phone.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

"The Wind Began To Howl"

It's coming...and I can't wait. The super cool Japanese Watchmen trailer:




And the older one's still good, too:

Scrutiny

Tuesday was final exam day for the 2nd years, and it was a long day.

Mr. S and I had decided to combine classes and judgment in order to give a more balanced assessment of the students. One by one the students had to come into the cavernous meeting room, sit down across from us at the oversized table in an uncomfortable chair, and try to speak for 3 minutes or so about some random topic.

I'd been uncharacteristically industrious and drafted 18 possible topics for my students to speak on, ranging from the more basic "what are your plans for the future?" to questions requiring a little more nuance, such as: "why is corruption so rampant in China and how can it be prevented?" Mr. S was less so, he prepared three topics, the first two moderately difficult and the last one more general "do you like to travel? Describe some travel experiences yadda yadda." About 70% of his students spoke on that topic. By the end I was ready to poke the next student who began speaking about travel in the eye with my pen.

Mr. S allowed his students to choose their topic, I selected the topics for my students when they sat down and only gave them one minute to prepare. Mr. S's students were better-polished because of it, but I was satisfied more or less with my students' performance. There were some delightfully schadenfreude(sp)-ian moments, tho, like when a student who'd been absent from my class since September walked in to take the final as if nothing were amiss. I told him to speak about this topic: "why branding is so important for global companies." We'd covered it in class. He looked at me doe-eyed and said "what does this mean, branding." I said "we talked about it in class, now either speak or get out."

Well, really I was a little kinder. But the douchebag still failed.

Each examination required about 5 minutes or so, the first minute for them to prepare and make notes, three for them to speak, and the last minute for follow up questions and getting the next student situated. 5 minutes each. We have about 150 students. You do the math and then ask yourself why I slept in this morning.

If your answer is because I'm lazy and I don't have to go into work today, give yourself a gold star. In fact, I don't have to go into work for quite some time. Ah, the joys of university life.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Year In Review - Audio/Visual Awards

(Because you demanded it...more wikipedia links!!)


And we (that's the royal we, btw) wrap up our look at 2008 with our ridiculously out-of-touch take on the best films, TV shows, and music experienced by...guess the pronoun...us.


Best Film: (Tie) The Dark Knight and the inexplicably poorly reviewed Funny Games. Both films had me on the edge of my seat.


Best TV Series: LOST, season 4. They really got the show back on track with this season, and I can't wait for season 5 to start.


Best (newish) Album: Back to Black, Amy Winehouse. Ok ok, I know this came out in 2006, but I don't listen to that much new music and I didn't get this until 2008. But it's a great album.


Best Guilty Pleasure: American Idol, season 7. It's a good think nobody reads my blog otherwise I'd be embarrassed to admit I watched every episode of this...


Best Individual Episode: Goodbye, Toby. The last episode of The Office's season 4. The running gag about Kevin being mentally disabled had my sides splitting.


Most Listened-To Song: Pressing On, from the Bob Dylan gospel songs album. Yes, I listen to gospel music.


Most Watched TV Series: Star Trek DS9. Earlier in the year I downloaded a few seasons and watched them in Korea, a few weeks ago in China I found a 7 season DVD package and have been working my way through that. It's still probably my favorite show of all time, definitely my favorite drama.


Most Anticipated Film of 2009: Watchmen. Boy I hope they don't fuck it up. I'm also looking forward to the new Star Trek and Harry Potter films. Yes, I'm a geek.

Why I Hate The Chinese Internets

1. Go to any computer in China.

2. Log onto the internets and type in "google.com."

3. Wait 15 seconds for the page to load.

4. Close the window, and open a new one.

5. Type in "google.cn."

6. Notice how the page loaded instantaneously?

The Year In Review - The Tonys

(Also with Wikipedia links!!)

No, not those Tonys, these Tonys reward moments in our (not so) young (anymore) hero's life during the past year.

Best Moment of the Year: The epiphany I had sometime in September about never going home again.

Worst Moment of the Year: (Tie) Borrowing money from my parents, again. And waking up in a sleazy hotel room in Rome with about 100 bug bites all over my body.

Most Embarrassing Moment: hob-nobbing with the Wuxi-German glitterati at a local night club, drinking too much, and let's just say attracting too much negative attention to myself.

Best Places I Visited: Koh Samet, Thailand and Barcelona.

Worst Place I Visited: Naples. Maybe it was the garbage in the streets, the slack jawed scoundrels on ever corner, or the fact that I spent most of my time there scratching said bug bites, but I didn't like it. The pizza was good, tho.

The Hey We Should've Planned This Award: Missing out on the running of the bulls in Pamplona.
Strangest Culinary Experience: Eating fish heads for dinner in Wuxi. Runner up: eating homemade kimchi jigae with some Koreans Joey and I met in Paris (thanks to his "waegukin" shirt) - it was delicious, btw.

The Aren't We Friends Award: Throwing beer on Dave and then fighting in the streets of Florence. Good times.

Worst Airline Experience: 7 hours from Dublin to New York next to a chatty well-fed Irish lass.

It Could've Been Worse Airline Experience: 14 hours New York to Beijing with an aisle seat and an empty seat to t'other side.

The Bad Blokes Award: Me, Dave, Bryce, and Stephen, for getting too drunk and almost starting a fight with a bunch of Irishmen. Details here.

Favorite Engrish Encounter: "Sun your buns in hell" on a T-shirt.

Best Asia-Themed Youtube Video: Kickin' It In Geumchon.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Year In Review: Book Awards

(Now with Wikipedia links!)

My 2008 book awards, drafted by the committee of me, approved by me, ratified by me.

Best New Book I Read: The Yiddish Policemen's Union. Who knew Alaskan Jews could be so treacherous and so much fun?

Best Book I Didn't Finish: A Perfect Spy. Not because I won't, it's just that I started this in the last week of the year and haven't gotten through it yet. If it finishes as well as it's begun it might be the best spy novel I've ever read.

Best Book I Re-Read: (Tie) Lolita, Foucault's Pendulum, Victory, Harry Potter 6. I re-read a lot of books this year, and these remain among my favorite books of all time. Christopher Hitchens re-reads Lolita every year, and I have to say that he's on to something. I was languishing with an insipid turd of a novel (see next entry) when I came across a copy of Lolita in a Barcelona book store. I picked it up (my 3rd copy of it, actually), dropped what I was reading and didn't regret it. Foucault's Pendulum is another of my favorites, those masters of the world are just always interesting to me. Victory is one of my favorite Conrad novels in part because its hero reminds me so much of myself. And for pop-lit giddiness there's nothing more fun than the tail end of the Harry Potter series.

Most Disappointing: The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana. Eco is the author of some of my favorite books (the aforementioned Foucault's Pendulum and The Name of the Rose) but this one was a self-centered dud.

Maybe The Nazis Were Right Award: Gravity's Rainbow. Let me quote from the wikipedia page:

"Frequently digressive, the novel subverts many of the traditional elements of plot and character development, traverses detailed, specialist knowledge drawn from a wide range of disciplines, and has earned a reputation as a "difficult" book."

Ha! Difficult doesn't begin to describe the pointless meandering and constant confusing shifts in perspective and setting. Trying to read this novel is essentially signing one's self up for a headache. Burn it!

The What Did I Get Myself Into?!, But...It's Still Interesting Award: Guns, Germs, and Steel. This book is bigger and drier than the Sahara, but, some of its ideas are very important.

Don't Skimp On The Editor Award: I Am Charlotte Simmons.

Best Fantasy Novel Called "The Hobbit": The Hobbit.

Most Read Author Of The Year: John le Carre. This year I read Call For the Dead, The Honourable Schoolboy, Smiley's People, The Night Manager, Single & Single and The Mission Song (and I'm almost through A Perfect Spy). This man can write.

Book That Inspired Me To Write Something Myself: Travels With My Aunt. I think I wrote almost two full pages of fiction before I went back to watching TV.

Started It But Saved It For Later Award: Cryptonomicon.

Hat's Off To My Hero Award: Nostromo, by my personal hero (one of them anyway) - Joseph Conrad. When I came to China I brought this and the two other Conrad novels that have inspired me - Victory and Lord Jim. I fully expected to read Lord Jim first, I was after all a stranger in a strange land and somewhat on the run like Jim, but for whatever reason I didn't get around to it. I was in no hurry to get back to the sprawling Nostromo, I'd only read it once and quite liked it but it wasn't as impactful for me as the other two. I picked it up on a lark one lazy Starbucks afternoon and didn't put it down for quite a while. I had remembered the portrait of Sulaco, the political intrigue, the dire appraisals of men with ambition that is so typical of Conrad, but I also remembered after reading it the first time thinking the novel had been wrongly named. Nostromo, the character, though a large part of the story, doesn't figure prominently until the last acts of the drama. The novel could have just as easily been named "Gould" or "DeCoud," two other characters in the story. Well, I was wrong. I appreciated it much more during this second reading, and I think the novel is aptly named because of Nostromo's fate - his death (all great Conrad characters die at the end of their stories, except Marlow) is our lesson.

Well, that's enough navel-gazing for now. More to come.

The Year in Review

I'm a world away, at least culturally, but I try to keep up to date on what's hip. You have no idea how embarrassed I was when I returned home last time and had no idea who Miley Cyrus was (still don't).

One way I often use to get a read on what I've missed is the ever popular year's best lists that show up this time of year. Amazon.com, metacritic, the New York Times...everyone's got one. I take a gander at them and then I know what I should've picked up last year and what I should look into during the next.

With the end of the semester and dawning interregnum boredom seems statistically very probable for your's truly. So the other day (actually, last night, I couldn't sleep - you try sleeping on a mattress that's as soft as a moon rock) I said to myself "Hey, Anthony, why don't you make your own? Sure, you're ridiculously out of touch and no one gives a damn what you think, but heck, it'll pass the time."

So I think I will.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Bloggers' Best 2008

I thought this story was interesting, and I wanted to pass along the link.

Also: Happy New Year! So long 2008...it was an up and down year for the world, and the same was true for me. I had some really good times, and some really bad ones. Here's hopin' 2009'll be more stable.