Thursday, April 27, 2006

"Hurrah for Thompson!"

I finished The Brothers Karamazov last night, which is a book I highly recommend if you have a month or two to devote to reading it...no, seriously, it was really really good. In parts.

I remember as I was flying over to Korea we passed over the eastern-most stretch of Russia and I thought it was really cool to finally be in the country, even if I was at 30,000 feet or whatever. I've always been fascinated by the place, and I think when my year in Korea is up if I still want to do the wandering-teacher thing I might try to find work in Moscow or Petersburg. At this point I definitely want to use some of my savings at the end of the year to ride westward on the Trans-Siberian from Vladivostok to Moscow. And the literature has always appealed to me. Fathers & Sons is one of my favorite novels.

I can't really say the same for TBK...parts of it were enthralling...Father's Zossima's stories, especially about the encounter with the murderer, Ivan's story about Jesus returning and encountering a clergyman who denies his message, and his conversations/hallucinations with the devil. But those were small sections that were in some ways short stories within the novel, and I don't know if the exoskeleton of the narrative itself was as interesting. The climax was fun, and I wasn't really sure until the end whether Dmitri would be found guilty or innocent...but it was sort of ruined by Smerdyakov (sp?)'s confession.

And I'm not really down with all the explicit philosophical discussion. It's interesting for a bit, but I just kept thinking about that part in the Woody Allen movie Love & Death where he and Diane Keaton are having a normal conversation and then awkwardly segue into topics like phenomenology and whatnot. Not my cup of tea.

Life here marches on. Another session ended recently and report cards were due, again, but I flew through them pretty quickly and didn't sweat the small stuff. My job is becoming less and less interesting/challenging and more and more dull. This Sunday I have a meeting with a book club I've joined and I'm looking forward to that. I'm about halfway through the book we're reading for this session and it's interesting.

Ah, we went on a field trip a coupla days ago, to the 'Incheon Zoo.' The kids and I were exposed to, get this: four disinterested ducks (two of them seemed to have some sort of cancerous growth on their necks), a couple of sleepy dogs (no kidding: dogs), a pair of hungry ostriches and their turkey companion, three or four languid and sickly sheep, a bevy of exotic squirrels, about 10 million comparably aged groups of noisy schoolchildren, and the coup de grace: a cageful of irascible monkeys.

The highlight of the trip for me was when Joanne, my Korean coteacher, approached the monkeys' cage and tried to get their attention by making a face at them. One monkey, who'd probably been getting this kind of treatment all day for many days past, had had enough. He steps back a few paces from the edge of the cage and then charges at Joanne full speed. He crashed into the bars, of course, and probably fucked up his face pretty bad, but he scared the shit out of Joanne and she screamed and nearly fell down as she ran away. It was hi-lar-i-ous. She has a blog with some photos from the trip, if you want to check them out - click me!

What else...I'm thinking about joining a gym. We'll see where that goes. I'm eating like shit again, and smoking to boot...but the packs are so fucking cheap here, how can I not? 2500 won, about US $2.50...at the most. That's for the high end shit, Marlboros and whatnot. It's still pretty cold, and it's almost May, though the flowers haven't noticed and are starting to bloom. Walking around my neighborhood isn't quite as gloomy as it used to be, b/c of it. There hasn't really been any yellow dust for a while, which is nice. I guess that's it. out.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Disturbing News

I am starting to like the preschoolers. This kinda bothers me, I dunno why, but there it is. We were eating lunch today and the kids were all being quiet except for the occasional "don't speak in Korea Chan-Woo!" (they like to mimic me and I say this all the time, so they think it's hilarious to say it to one another whenever one of them slips up and starts spouting hangul) and then out of the blue Myung-Bin, this adorable little girl, asks me (straight-faced): "Wayne, are you vampire?"

"No, I am not a vampire, Myung-Bin. Now finish your soup." And I chuckled.

"You vampire!" she says with comic seriousness.

"No, I'm not," I countered, and then tried to explain how it's daylight and vampires can't walk around in the day so I couldn't possibly be one...

That didn't quite get across.

Anyway, the point is that it was a light moment and a charming one, and I seem to be having more and more of these lately. They're definitely growing on me, the munchkins. I didn't expect it to happen, but it has.

The teacher who lived in my apartment previously, Jenn, was back in town this week. She'd spent a few months traveling around SE Asia and she was passing back through to say her goodbyes and collect all her stuff. She was talking to me about how difficult it was going to be to say goodbye forever to the kids she'd been teaching for a year, and it hit me that I was already feeling the beginnings of that sort of connection. Anyway, it's too early to be thinking about leaving, I think...I just arrived. Though it's hard to believe 2 months have already passed, to be honest with you. When I first met Jenn (the day after I arrived) I remember she told me it'd be the quickest year of my life, here in Korea. Maybe she was right about that too.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Lazy Saturdays, and a correction

I'm sure my thousands of readers were in a panic when they loyally read over that last post and realized that I had linked to the wrong article. Here's an article on yellow dust:

Click me!

One of the things I like most about living in Korea is the fact that I have an actual weekend. For the past 5 years or so I was usually working on the weekends and going to school during the week (or sometimes working during the week and on the weekends). I had days off of course...too many...but it was really rare that I had a Saturday and a Sunday off sequentially. It's a refreshing taste of normality here in the land of perverse calm.

I went to the Goose Goose last night, like most Fridays. It was slow and kinda boring, and most of my crew ducked out after a coupla hours to look for a dance club. I stayed a little longer because I was sitting with this group of Koreans that Joe knew somehow. I was 'invited' to sit down when one of them came over to where I was sitting and grabbed my arm, and then dragged me over to his table. This is something Korean men do a lot, especially when they can't speak English. Strangers have poked, jabbed, prodded, grabbed, caressed and stabbed me more in the past 6/7 weeks here than in a lifetime back home. There just aren't the same restrictions about physical contact here that we have America...there's no real 'bubble' space. It can be frustrating sometimes, especially when people bump into you on the street and keep walking, oblivious, or when drunken Korean men want to communicate with you through their milfish wife who keeps caressing your leg, but...you get used to it.

About the caressing, or, petting, if you will. I've been 'petted' a lot here, usually by children but maybe once or twice by an adult. It's the arm hair. Koreans are absolutely fascinated by it. Even by western standards I'm a pretty hairy guy, and out here I'm a fucking freak. My preschool kids love to pet my arm when they think I won't notice. I'll be standing in an elevator amid a dozen or so young'uns, minding my own business, when suddenly I'll feel a gentle touch on my arm and I'll look down and Min-Ji or Hyun-Ah will be stroking my arm hair like I'm a frikkin cat.

The leg hair is even more interesting. I haven't worn shorts yet b/c it's been cold and I can't wear them to work, anyway. But one time at work while the kids were eating, I think, I had to scratch my knee or something so I pulled up my pant leg to do it. The room, which had been filled with quiet Korean chatter, fell silent. There was a gasp or two. I looked up. Mouths agape. Eyes wide. After a few moments of contemplation the kids started to whisper to each other. This is how I came to be known as 'King Kong' teacher.

At a dinner one time I was talking on this exact same subject, and pulled my pant leg up again to demonstrate. The Korean adults had the same response, only without the impolite whispering.

In other news, I read Bob Dylan's Chronicles. I brought it with me, and started it on the plane ride over here, actually, but I couldn't really get into it. I guess I had other things on my mind then. But it's an amazing book. The other night I picked it up and I was finished the next day. I'm a complete Dylan homer, I think he's a genius, so you can't really trust me to be bias-less, here, but...it was really good. I'm still trying to finish The Brothers Karamazov. I'm about 3/4 through, but it's not exactly a light read.

Life continues.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

황사

The title means 'Hwang-sa' or Yellow Dust. That's right, bitches, I'm learning 한글 (hangul - that's Korean for all you waygouk). Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm 'learning' in the sense that I'm going to a class, listening to lesson tapes, or some shit like that. I just mean that when I'm bored at school during my planning time I look stuff up in the dictionary and try to make sense of the alphabet. It's actually not that hard once you get a decent grip on what the alphabet means and how it works.

Anyway, about the yellow dust...here's a wikipedia article about what it is. We had a bad storm on Saturday, and we were supposed to have one yesterday, though I didn't really see it. But I've been feeling it. A few weeks ago we had one that lasted a few days, and I was sick for a fortnight... This latest attack has got me feeling bad again. Basically when you breathe in that much crap something bad is going to happen, and I've got the beginnings of what could be another bad cold. To make things worse I've been into Seoul three days straight and the pollution is worse there than it is in Incheon, so that didn't help. And besides, the air is so fricking dry here I wake up every morning with a nose full of boogers so hard they could probably be the cornerstones of these flimsy Korean apartment buildings that go up so fast... That doesn't help things.

I've been going in and out of Seoul, not because I've spontaneously developed a demanding social life, but because I've been trying to round up some books that I want. I joined a book club here, and the next thing we're reading is something called Quarantine, by Jim Crace. It looks interesting. I wanted that and Lonely Planet's guidebook to Korea. Well, long story short, the really cool used-book store in Seoul (http://www.whatthebook.com) keeps small town hours (it closes at 8 - maybe b/c it's on the upslope of Hooker Hill in Itaewon and going up there at night can be a bit trying...unless you want to get laid easily and have 100,000 won to spare) -found that out on Monday-, the enormous Kyobo bookstore in downtown Seoul didn't have what I wanted -found that out yesterday-, but tonight I high-tailed it outta work when the whistle blew and made it to Itaewon by 7:30. I dunno if I really kept that short...

Work continues. Young Hyun burst into tears 2 hours into class today. He was doing fine this morning, but then his mom showed up and he caught a glimpse of her and when we returned to class it was more than he could take. I found out later she was there to talk with Joanne (my Korean co-teacher) and to pick up YH to take him to a 'mental hospital,' to use the parlance of our setting. That's what Joanne said...I think she meant psychiatrist. Anyway, seriously, this is good news. The boy needs help. Not being sarcastic at all...he needs help.

I met his mom briefly. She had a painted face and a plastic smile. It explained a lot. Later in the afternoon a nice bouquet of flowers was delivered to Joanne, from YH's mom. Maybe it was meant for me, too, but I doubt it...at least she knows what a pain her son is.

Not much more to say, so I'll leave you with a picture of a yellow dust cloud hovering near the 63 building in Seoul.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Millions

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I made my first million today. Almost two million, actually. That's right bitches, I've got almost 2 million won in my pocket (figuratively speaking...please don't rob me).

Time for a spending spree!

No, but seriously...having money rocks. I can buy things I need, heck, I can even buy things I just plain want. I don't have to eat PBJ sandwiches made with moldy bread that's been in my fridge for weeks. I can afford cheeseburgers! And the good kind of kimbap! Fuck yeah.

Anyway...that's all there is.

Oh, I had another peeer today. Do you think I spelled that right? Anyway, I handled the incident with my usual deft aplomb, I knew right where the mop was this time, I knew to wait to let her finish before escorting her to the changing room, yadda yadda. I could handle a whole class of peeers, I think, fuck it open the floodgates if you want I'm ready for that shit. That's the one thing though...please god no shitters. I can handle piss, but god help me if one of the pre-bies shits him/herself. I DO NOT want to deal with that. But these kids are 6 and 7 fucking years old, anyway, they shouldn't be peeing themselves...maybe there's something fucked up about Korean bladders, maybe I scare the munchkins, hell, I don't know...actually, I do know that I scare them sometimes.

Have I talked about Young Hyun? Young Hyun is an emotionally fragile boy in Horse class who will burst into tears if you don't handle him right. I think his ilk inspired the phrase 'kid gloves...' anyway he's either full of energy and hard to control or he's completely losing it and bawling like a shorn sheep. It's really hard to deal with him because sometimes he'll do something fucked up, like throw a pencil at me or something, but if I get too pissed then I scare the shit out of him and he starts crying like a baby. Anyway, I like him, and he's just a kid so I don't want to read too much into it, but this kid is gonna have problems down the road. But then, who isn't?

My co-teacher talks a lot about how she hates the needy kids, and at first I thought she was being a bit callous but more and more I see how right she is. I love the independant kids, the ones who know what to do without being told 20 fucking times and who don't come pulling on your shirt every time Jin-Kyung bumps into them w/o apologizing...ugh.

Are personalities pretty much defined at this age? I dunno. But it seems like you can tell pretty well where the kids are gonna wind up...

Anyway, how did I wind up talking about this shit? I'm off to count my millions...

Thursday, April 06, 2006

This post may be eclectic

I don't really have an interesting story to tell (not that I ever do), or something bizarre/troubling to report, these are just a few things that popped into my mind a coupla minutes ago before I sat down here and which I thought were blog-worthy.

Jason (my boss, my enemy [not really...but there's some antagonism going on...maybe it's b/c I have to fight him to get the power turned on in my apartment]) took me, AJ, and Drew to go sign up for our Alien Registration Card today. I just call it the 'alien card' coz it sounds cooler. Anyway, nothing exciting to report there, but on the way back I saw a billboard on the side of the highway which asked 'Are you gentle?' Whaddya think they were selling?

a)hand lotion
b)Singapore Airlines
c)a new SUV called the Gentra
d)a new slot-casino place

Answer at the end.

Today was Thursday, which meant I only had two afternoon classes. My later class only has five kids in it, and they're at about the 2nd or 3rd grade age back home. They're reasonably communicative but 3 of the 5 are pretty dang shy and things can be a bit rough. Anyway, when I came into class today the talkative pair were still chirping about what we did last session, on Tuesday.

Tuesday was supposed to be what we at SLP call a 'Storybook day,' which I think if you translate into 'Korea' (as everyone here says) means something like '40 minutes of bullshitting.' Anyway basically we (I) read a story for the class period and ask the kids questions about it, come up with games to play, yadda yadda.

Well on Tuesday I went up to class and thought I was prepared with the right book, and then realized as I walked through the door that I had grabbed the wrong thing. The owners and administrators frown on us leaving the classroom after we've entered and the cameras that monitor us make me inclined to obey, so I didn't want to go back downstairs and search for the right thing.

'Ok,' I thought. 'I'll just come up with something better, where the kids can use their own imagination and learn a little English.'

Bad idea.

You see, I asked the kids to write a story about a picture that was in their book. The pic was of a bunch of white kids swimming in the pool. I asked my bunch to imagine that there was something dangerous lurking underneath the water like an alligator or a dinosaur, and to write their own story about what would happen.

The three dummies had no fucking clue what I was asking, but the other two came up with reasonably decent stories, although they copied from one another a lot. I'll reprint the better one here, and also the story that I wrote to try and demonstrate to the kids what I wanted them to do. First, Jung-Won's story:

the wayne swem in pool the alligator fight the wayne wayne win alligator sad Jung-Won fight the wayne and win wayne mother fight the Jung-Won and the Jung-Won win and mother sad Jung-Won king!

Pretty compelling stuff, right? Michael Crichton, watch your back. My story:

Wayne was swimming in the pool and he saw an alligator eating Kahn-Young. Wayne fought the alligator and killed it but Kahn-Young was already dead. Then Jung-Won wanted to fight Wayne and they did. Wayne won, and Jung-Won cried like a baby. Then Wayne won the lottery and married Miss America. The End.

What else, what else...

I am running seriously low on funds, but payday is Monday.

I got my first package from back home last week. It was filled with homemade cookies, deodorant, and a coupla hats. Thanx, mom + dad.

I filled out report cards for the first time last week. It was nice and empowering to be on the other end of that experience, though I still couldn't say all that I wanted...SLP wants us to shy away from the 'your daughter is a complete and utter cunt who'll never amount to shit' kind of comments.

Someone pointed out to me where a dog restaurant is near my school. I'm gonna definitely try and hit that up soon. The Korean woman who told me about it was shocked when I said I wanted to try it, but it's like...I didn't come this far to NOT do new things. BTW, what did I have for dinner tonight? Something from McDonald's...

Answer:C