English Teachers Harming Korea, Again

This time kind it's actually kind of true, and not an exaggeration in the media about drugs/sex/pederasts/etc., though it's no fault of the teachers in question.

An English teacher brought swine flu with her into the country not too long ago, hung out with a bunch of other waegukins, and they all wound up being put in quarantine. You can read their blog about their ongoing ordeal here.

And here's another one.

Roger and Me

Hey! HEY! Look over here! You're not going to be distracted from my witty musings by some soft core porn, are you?

Seriously, I searched google images for "star trek" and that was one of the first images that popped up. So, I thought, why not? Besides, it's a shame Enterprise was canceled just as it was hitting its stride.

But I digress. The point of this post is thus: I have come here to bury Star Trek, not to praise it. As far as I can tell, in the near future, the Star Trek that we pasty corpulent bug-eyed geeks loved a little too much, well, that Star Trek is dead. Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek is long gone.

I saw the movie. I saw it the first day it came out, in one of the first screenings. I couldn't wait to jump into it. And for the first 30 minutes or so, I was really digging it.

But then something stupid happened. Then another fortuitous dodge, another lucky duck, another chase scene, another witty line dropped perfectly post-action scene-climax, another wink at the camera, another unBElievable coincidence, another shot of the inarticulate brooding villain in his cavernous pointy Death Star, another Ewok scene (yes, by Zeus' beard there's an actual Ewok in this movie (Scotty's sidekick)), another shot of Winona Ryder attempting to emote...and...I'd had enough.

This is an action movie. Don't get me wrong, I like action movies. I like action movies because they're an excuse to have a carefree 2 hours and down a bucket of popcorn. But Star Trek is supposed to be something more than that. It is supposed to have a message. Yeah, that means it won't always be as popular as franchises like Star Wars or Die Hard. But it will be better. And by trying to blend those two popular film series and slapping the name "Star Trek" on the regurgitated steaming pile of excrement you've produced, you're devaluing the series overall. And that pisses me off.

Yes, I'm a geek, and yes there's a great Onion story that essentially zings me (see below), but at least I'm not completely alone in this view. Roger Ebert essentially agrees with me (or less presumptively, I with him). So I guess I'll have to take solace in that.


Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Uh, the universe is an awesome place

I've always said I want to live forever, not because I think I deserve to or that my extended lifetime would contribute anything more to humanity or posterity or whatever. It's for purely selfish reasons: I hate thinking about all the cool shit I'm gonna miss out on after I'm gone.

I just know that the day after I get smacked by a bus the Vulcans are gonna drop by to say hi, or scientists will invent some sort of consciousness-saving machine, or we'll finally have a fat free yogurt that doesn't skimp on flavor.

Articles like this one only reinforce this notion. An unimaginably vast entity/mass/something that's sucking the rest of the universe towards it just beyond the cosmic horizon? This is the first I'm hearing of something so unbelievably fucking cool. It makes you wonder what else is out there. And notice how the author speculates wildly about what it could be:

"the dark flow theory hints that this mass, or super structure, could be anything from another universe to a realm of whimsical fancy whose physics, forces and warped space-time are completely beyond any of us. Unicorns, flying cars, cats and dogs living in harmony, you name it and it could be true, as we'll never, ever make it there to find out first hand."

That is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. I just know that in ten generations or so people're gonna be zipping around in their personal spaceships out to X Zone for a weekend of hedonism limited only by their imaginations while I'll be maggot meat.

But I suppose I should count my blessings. Think of all the things I have now that they lacked 10 generations ago. And most of what I take for granted today would have been inconceivable and frankly terrifying to someone from the distant past. Remember how when they showed the first movie in that Paris theater the people ran screaming for their lives out of the building because they thought the train was going to come out of the screen and crush them? Who knows what kind of hilarious freak out I'd have were I to encounter the technology of the distant future?

No one. And no one ever will. Tear.

According to "Protect a Cow"

Bob Dylan is an occultist and either an ally or a pawn of the Illuminati who promotes alcoholism and "cow murder." Thank the stars for youtube, the crazies finally have their forum. Check out this video and don't miss the last 10 seconds, they're the best part.