I am the worst man in the history of the planet. So says Australian anthropologist Peter McAllister in his new book, according to Reuters.
Modern men are weaker, slower, and don't even think about trying to compare our spear throwing skillz to those of our forebears. Were we magically transported back a few thousand years we'd miss out on all the best mammoth meat and would have to settle for whatever our swifter cousins deigned to share with us.
It seems reasonable, logical, even, and I'm sure this d00d has all sorts of watertight evidence to back up his claims, I mean, let's just take a look at this first one mentioned in the article:
"An analysis of the footsteps of one of the men, dubbed T8, shows he reached speeds of 37 kph on a soft, muddy lake edge. Bolt, by comparison, reached a top speed of 42 kph during his then world 100 meters record of 9.69 seconds at last year's Beijing Olympics.
In an interview in the English university town of Cambridge where he was temporarily resident, McAllister said that, with modern training, spiked shoes and rubberized tracks, aboriginal hunters might have reached speeds of 45 kph."
Oh, ok, I see, every human alive today is definitely slower than every human (or human ancestor) from the past because of some sun-baked footprints in the Australian outback and the supposition that with training and shoes and rubber tracks and whatnot Aboriginal Hunter X might be faster than Mr. Bolt, the current world record holder. Wow, what a rock solid foundation upon which to build your thesis, Dr. McAllister.
And there's something I bet those fleet footed Aboriginals didn't have: sarcasm. I don't care how fast you are you can't outrun a cutting remark.
McAllister also backs up his claims with some decades old German photography and the delightfully droll image of a stout Neanderthal woman arm-wrestling Arnold Schwarzanegger (sp) from the Conan the Barbarian days - I shit you not, read the damn article. Suffice it to say, I'm not sold.
Just because a great number of men in developed countries have loosened their belts and let their javelin tossing skillz slide does not mean we are lacking in potential when compared to our less civilized ancestors. Besides, overall this kind of development is a good thing. Am I supposed to be ashamed that I know more about trigonometry than I do about killing a tiger?
Fuck you, McAllister, on behalf of men everywhere.
1 comment:
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