More From Korea

It's Quiz Time, kids!

1)When you order a pizza in Korea, what gets served with it on the side?
a)kimchi
b)sweet pickles
c)cocktail onions
d)a smaller pizza

2) "Goose Goose" is
a)an expression meaning "unwelcome foreigner"
b)a bar
c)meat served on sticks which is sold on the street
d)the name of one of my students

3)There is a TV channel devoted to...
a)Chinese Checkers
b)cheap porn
c)Korean televangelists
d)all of the above

The answers are forthcoming, but if you're dying to know I guess I'll put them in at the end.

My first week here has gone pretty well. My plane touched down at Incheon Airport about this time 1 week ago, and certainly I feel a lot better now than I did then. As I wrote before, the first couple of days were pretty crappy...I was still suffering through my jetlag, everything at work seemed baffling and overwhelming, and I didn't really know anyone. But all that has changed, for the better.

The first day of classes was Thursday, and it was not fun. The preschoolers are just horrible, they have at best a minimal understanding of English and of course they're more interested in playing or talking to one another in Korean than listening to me. But it has to get better, right? And besides, as one of the other teachers told me, for them we're basically just babysitting for a few hours and hoping that some of what we do gets through to them...the theory is that just some exposure to English will be good for them.

But my afternoon kids, for the most part, are just great. Maybe it's b/c I contrast them with the morning brats but for whatever reason I actually look forward to seeing them. It's just getting through the morning that's tough.

Ever since I've arrived I've been scribbling down in a notebook these things that strike me as comment-worthy, and here's what I've got so far:

"Bizarre red crosses everywhere" - there are apparently a goodly amount of Christians out here, and I remember on the ride from the airport last week that as I looked down into the valley I saw dozens of these glowing red crosses jutting up into the sky...for whatever reason Koreans keep the crosses illuminated and don't realize how tacky it looks...whatever, it's their country.

"bad drivers" - maybe I'm seeing it b/c I expected it, but no one here knows how to drive. You have to be really careful when you're crossing the street.

"smells in the hall" - I remember as I walked to my hotel room the first night I was here I was suddenly overcome by this incredibly strong and pungent odor coming from one of the rooms. Korean food stinks, or, well, it can stink, and I've crossed into these pockets of poison many times since I've been here...but what compounds the problem is the Korean system of ordering deliveries, which works the same way in America except there's a pick up service the next day, so after the person has finished their kimchi or whatever they put the bowls outside of their room in the hall. This compounds the problem.

"highways are still highways" - my apartment overlooks a freeway and every morning when I walk to the window to look out I'm greeted by a traffic jam. It's nice to know there's traffic everywhere, I guess.

"kids are still kids" - before I left a lot of people made comments about how Asian kids are better behaved than their American counterparts...complete and utter bullshit. If anything they're worse - I've never had an American kid say "I hope you die" to me, for example.

"woman's voice on elevators" - there's this one woman's voice who's constantly talking to you when you're on the elevator. She says "mushi mushi mush" or whatever very reassuringly over and over...it's weird.

"everyone is well traveled but me" - everyone I meet regales me of their trips to Mexico, Australi, S Africa, whatever, and I feel like a loser when I have to say New York and Chicago are as far away as I've been from home...but you have to start somewhere, I guess.

"a country w/o deoderant" - Koreans don't sweat. Ever. Never ever. And they don't get cold, either, but that's beside the point...they're like robots...but anyway, not sweating and not getting overheated means you don't need things like deoderant, right? So when I run out of the stick and a half I brought with me I'm fucked, b/c one of the teachers assured me I couldn't get any in the whole country...I guess I'll have to have it shipped from home.

"staring at me" - This is starting to get old. When I'm walking with other people, it doesn't happen, but when I'm alone on the street everyone has to look at me, and some people are downright gawkers. You'd think they'd never seen a roundeye before...like I said it's getting annoying.

"Kimchi everywhere. everywhere." - One week and I've already had enough kimchi for a lifetime. They serve it at every fucking meal, and I always try to eat it for some reason, I guess I think the locals will like me more if I do, whatever, but it is always disgusting...no mas, por favor.

"Worst couch ever." - I thought my old couch sucked, Christ, I'd give anything to have couch dread here in Korea. The one in my apartment has a bar sticking out from the back cushions and it makes sitting a living nightmare...it's about as comfortable as sitting on coals.

"Achilles' pain"- no, I don't mean the pain of being far from home, I'm talking about my Achilles heel(s), which were both scraped and cut and abused during my day of travel by a new pair of shoes that don't fit and caused extreme pain...and ever since that happened the wounds on the back of my feet have yet to heal, and they hurt everytime I take a step...yeah, it sucks, but what can you do? You wait for it to heal.

Alright, that's about it for the latest dispatch from Bucheon...my eyes are starting to get dry and I feel myself becoming less and less coherent...

Answers: B,B,D