Yet Another Koreans/Racism Article

This time it's in Foreign Policy. There's nothing new or particularly insightful here, still, it's interesting to read another "outsider's" view of Koreans and racism. Both the maligned Bucheon bus riding professor and Superbowl MVP/Korean hero Hines Ward are mentioned.

I found this part of the article to be the most noteworthy (quoting Ward's mother, who is Korean):

"Kim described in stark terms the discrimination she experienced before she immigrated to the United States. "What do you think would have become of us if I had kept living here with Hines? He would probably never have been able to be anything but a beggar. Do you think I would even have been able to get work cleaning houses?" she said while visiting the Pearl S. Buck Foundation in Seoul. "Koreans of the same skin color are even more racist among themselves. It doesn't make sense. If everybody hates our children so much because their skin is a different color, then why do Koreans run around dying their hair blond and red?""

Internal Dialogue While Riding the Subway Home From an Interview

Good Angel: Well, that was ok.

Bad Angel: Fuck, you blew it.

Good Angel: No, no, it went fine. She made polite small talk with you afterward, laughed a few times, spoke as if you already had the job...it went fine.

Bad Angel: Nope, you fuckin blew it. Did you see the size of the booger in your nose in the elevator mirror post-interview?

Good Angel: First of all, that wasn't a booger, it was a piece of dry skin, and second of all, it wasn't that big.

Bad Angel: It looked like something a 49er would've used as down payment on a California mansion. And I don't even want to talk about your voice.

Good Angel: I have a cold. And it's 0 fucking degrees outside. So it croaked a little.

Bad Angel: A little? You sounded positively pubescent.

Good Angel: Well that shouldn't have any effect on how she judged me.

Bad Angel: No, but your flubbed answers about dealing with classes with varying levels will.

Good Angel: I gave an ok answer...

Bad Angel: You gave an incomplete answer. You totally forgot to mention your best idea.

Good Angel: You're paranoid. I got into this program 9 months ago...I'll get in again.

Bad Angel: Yeah, and you just had to bring up how you turned them down, didn't you? I'm sure they'll look kindly on that.

Good Angel: Yeah...maybe shouldn't've mentioned that....I'm fucked, aren't I?

Bad Angel: Yup.

Racism In Korea

This is an interesting article about how "South Koreans struggle with race." It's an international story in part inspired by the incident on the bus in Bucheon from a few months back, which I linked to in a previous post. I don't have much to add other than to affirm that it is indeed true that many Koreans have despicable views concerning other races but that it's also unsurprising that they do considering their history and language.

Because You Demanded It...

Salvador Dali walking his anteater:

Have You Seen This Man?

Details of this fascinating internet hoax, er, phenomenon here.

Set Phasers To Stupid

Please forgive me, this is a little bit of a geek rant.

So I came across this story somehow, I dunno what happened, I just woke up and it was on my computer. Honest. Anyway, fascinating article.

But something about the cover, really, really pisses me off. Well, in a pretend kind of way. Take a look.


Did you catch it? Are you as outraged as I am? Ok, here's one more look.

You saw it, right? Ok, just in case you're blind, here it is:


This is Battlestar Galactica, not Star Trek, you halfwit genre ignorant savages at Maxim magazine! Get it right.

Winter Is Coming...

A coupla years ago I thought to myself, "hey, I'm a geek. How come I never read any fantasy novels?" So I started looking around to see which modern series/books were the most highly regarded, and I came across the Song of Ice and Fire series by George RR Martin. I picked up the first book, A Game of Thrones, and let's just say I was hooked.

I've actually been re-reading the series these past few weeks, and just as when I first flew through the novels, some of the characters' argot has started to creep into my internal dialogues. I jokingly "swear by the old gods and the new," from time to time, for example. As I said, I'm a geek.

I highly recommend picking up the novels for yourself, even though the fourth is a bit of a letdown in the series and the fifth, which was supposed to be released years ago, is still unfinished segun the author's website. It's quite a wild ride.

Too busy to read? Intimidated by the hundreds of character names? Illiterate? Well, then, fear not, because HBO is here to help. A new series based on the first novel is beginning production this week, and it could be the next big HBO-thing, a la Rome or the Sopranos. Images of the actors portraying the principal characters were also released, see below:

I Knew It All Along

I am the worst man in the history of the planet. So says Australian anthropologist Peter McAllister in his new book, according to Reuters.

Modern men are weaker, slower, and don't even think about trying to compare our spear throwing skillz to those of our forebears. Were we magically transported back a few thousand years we'd miss out on all the best mammoth meat and would have to settle for whatever our swifter cousins deigned to share with us.

It seems reasonable, logical, even, and I'm sure this d00d has all sorts of watertight evidence to back up his claims, I mean, let's just take a look at this first one mentioned in the article:

"An analysis of the footsteps of one of the men, dubbed T8, shows he reached speeds of 37 kph on a soft, muddy lake edge. Bolt, by comparison, reached a top speed of 42 kph during his then world 100 meters record of 9.69 seconds at last year's Beijing Olympics.

In an interview in the English university town of Cambridge where he was temporarily resident, McAllister said that, with modern training, spiked shoes and rubberized tracks, aboriginal hunters might have reached speeds of 45 kph."

Oh, ok, I see, every human alive today is definitely slower than every human (or human ancestor) from the past because of some sun-baked footprints in the Australian outback and the supposition that with training and shoes and rubber tracks and whatnot Aboriginal Hunter X might be faster than Mr. Bolt, the current world record holder. Wow, what a rock solid foundation upon which to build your thesis, Dr. McAllister.

And there's something I bet those fleet footed Aboriginals didn't have: sarcasm. I don't care how fast you are you can't outrun a cutting remark.

McAllister also backs up his claims with some decades old German photography and the delightfully droll image of a stout Neanderthal woman arm-wrestling Arnold Schwarzanegger (sp) from the Conan the Barbarian days - I shit you not, read the damn article. Suffice it to say, I'm not sold.

Just because a great number of men in developed countries have loosened their belts and let their javelin tossing skillz slide does not mean we are lacking in potential when compared to our less civilized ancestors. Besides, overall this kind of development is a good thing. Am I supposed to be ashamed that I know more about trigonometry than I do about killing a tiger?

Fuck you, McAllister, on behalf of men everywhere.

Old Korean Man Acts Like An Ass; A Nation Is Stunned

Well, perhaps I exaggerate a little but I found this article interesting because a)it happened in Bucheon, not 2 miles from where I now type and 2)the offended actually had the cajones to do something about it.

Among the international racist community old men probably constitute a significant majority, and in Korea things are no different. In my 2 1/2 years I haven't had anything really bad thrown my way, probably because, well, let's just say I've spent more time rambling alone than with a lissome Korean beauty dangling from my arm like a piece of inane jewelry. But on those rare occasions when the fairer sex deigned to accompany me publicly, like the Indian gentleman in the article I've been subject to the disapproving eyes and kimchi-flavored mutterings of that over-common Korean bird, the angry adjeossi.

From the story:
"As the bus traveled toward Bucheon City Hall, a neatly dressed Korean man, who was sitting behind them yelled, ``What a disgusting odor! You're dirty.''

The Korean, later identified as Park, kept shouting, ``You must be an Arab. It's dirty. F*** you!''

One marvels at the sophistication manifest in the "neatly dressed" Mr. Park's diatribe. Were I not so cynical I might wonder if reincarnation really is a fact of life, as it seems the wit of Oscar Wilde has been reborn. "You're dirty." Indeed. What heights of verbosity will Mr. Park attain next? What summits of perspicacity will he climb? Ah, yes, "Fuck you." Pronounced, no doubt, as "Puck you." Koreans have trouble with their "F"s.

These small minded trolls would be amusing if they weren't so prevalent. You try taking a taxi, riding a bus, shopping at a "syupa" or, I dunno, walking down the street without running into one of Mr. Park's esteemed contemporaries, and let me know how that works out buddy.

The story continues:
"Hussain intended to file a complaint against Park, but police officers tried to discourage him from doing so.
``They asked the two sides to apologize to each other. But I refused because I did nothing wrong,'' he said. "

Good for him. Notice the annoying Confucian practice inherent in the police officers' actions. Everyone make nice, everyone admit fault, everyone save face, preserve social unity, etc etc. As if the professor is somehow to blame for having brown skin and sitting on a bus. Apologize for your appearance, sir, after all if you looked Korean none of this would have happened - this could be the rationale behind the ameliorative suggestion. What an absurd society this can sometimes be.

Also from the story:
"
``It was not my first time to be subject to racial abuse. I have had many similar experiences. But this time was serious,'' he said. ``It wouldn't have happened to me if I were a white man.''
Hussain said he has no intention to withdraw the suit."

I'm pleased to hear he's going to continue with the suit. I hope this bastard gets what's coming to him. He's likely correct about the "white man" comment, as well. While my fair-skinned brethren and I are sometimes subject to this sort of behavior, there is no doubt that people from South-Asia (ethnically) get it a whole lot more, in this country, hell in most countries. So it goes.

Wide Open

Be thankful, my North American dwelling friends, for the space you have in your countries. You may be seriously lacking in quality kimchi and rarely does a hanbok flitter through your line of sight, but at least when you go to the pool, or the beach, or the park, you can stretch your legs a little bit, unlike your Asian cousins pictured below:

The Bicycle Thief

May God damn this person.

I bought a new bike a few weeks ago, for the usual reasons: it gets me around quicker, and it's a kind of exercise I actually enjoy (more or less). I used it everyday, and was really getting a kick out of it.

Two weeks in, I come home from a weekend away to find that the lock fastening my bike to the communal rail has been smashed by some sort of blunt implement, wielded no doubt by one who could be similarly described.

Well, after a few days I got myself a hacksaw and did away with that problem.

Which brings us to today. I rode my bike to work like I always do, secured it to a tree in front of the building like I always do, and left it alone for a few hours. When I came down 3-4 hours later for a smoke break, lo and behold!, the bike was gone and the (new) bike lock was open and lying in the street like a vagrant.

I know this sort of shit goes down everyday back home, but I thought here in Korea, land of smiles (well, close enough), land of the honest adjumma who'll clean your apartment and leave the stack of man-wons untouched I wouldn't have to deal with the sphincter crusts of humanity who are bicycle thieves.

Lesson learned.

Who are these fucktards who are having trouble with digital TV?

Meet Dennis Cuddy. He bought his converter antenna like a dutiful little soul. He set everything up for the big day, or so he thought. But, as it turns out, he can't get ABC or PBS nowadays.

The article tries to point out that it's not his fault, the local ABC affiliate needs some kind of power booster or something. But, Mr. Cuddy, it is your fault. Get fucking cable. Catch up with the rest of the world. Stop living in the 1950s. Then you won't have to miss a minute of "Regis & Kelly."

Matthew Brady I'm Not

It was at a distressingly recent moment in my past that I realized that despite being able to appreciate what makes for a good photograph, I am unable to reproduce those qualities in my own picture-taking. Nevertheless, I want to pass along some photos I recently shot in and around my neighborhood.

Not because they are any good, of course, but just because I realized the other day while formatting the memory card in my camera that during all my time in China I took only a half a dozen photos, none of them publishable. I don't mean to imply any sort of lurid goings-on. The Chinese photos in question were just of the typical insipid quality one finds in the photo albums of the perpetually bored: photos of shoe-less feet, spilled beer, roving cockroaches, etc. etc.

Anyway, without further introduction, some photos of my current neighborhood:

The view from my apartment-


My mostly obscured apartment building -

Bupyeong Gu Office -

The building with my hagwon, on the 6th floor (CIS) -

My Favorite Scenes in Film, the Top 5

#5

Despite what rottentomatoes.com has to say, this is still the best Star Trek film, and this is the best moment in it:


#4

Like the Star Wars franchise, there are so many moments to pick from in the Godfather films. But this scene really is the turning point, and it was beautifully written/shot/choreographed/acted.


#3

Eyes Wide Shut is one of those movies you either love or hate, and I fall in with the former, of course. I have a little bit of an obsession with secret societies, and that's partly why I enjoy this scene so much. But I also think it's exceptional because it, like the movie that envelops it, and to go a bit grandiose - like life, is imperfect, unfulfilled, and never fully understood. Kubrick's last flick was his best, enjoy:


#2
No one, and I mean no one (here's lookin' at you, Tarantino) uses music to supplement the story better than Martin Scorcese. Likewise no one gives us better biopics of American capitalist/criminals, our heroic villains, our latter day Gatsbys. The best scene in his best film:


#1
Casablanca may not always be considered a great film. Myopic movie-watchers of the future may frown on the moral certitudes it presents, its stereotypes and caricatures...they may even call it propaganda. But has the cause of the people and of liberty ever been better rendered in film? If it has, I haven't seen it. By far my all time favorite cinematic scene:

My Favorite Scenes in Film

I waste a lot of time on youtube, so I took a little time nosing around to see which of my favorite film scenes I could find. I couldn't find everything, but here are some of them. #s 10-6

#10

Number 10 and I'm already cheating. Two scenes follow, actually, in part because I couldn't find the exact scene from this director I was looking for (the sisters' lunch scene from Hannah and Her Sisters). But these will certainly suffice:

The "d'jew?" scene from Annie Hall:


And the opening of Manhattan:


#9

This is from a movie called "Funny Games," which is one of those films you can't really recommend because it is so intense and so disturbing that to do so makes you seem like a weirdo in the recommendee's eyes. But I saw this flick last year and it rocked me to the core, especially this scene:


#8

It's hard to choose a scene from the Star Wars saga, because in the original trilogy there are so many classic moments. But I think Luke and Vader's final confrontation, despite the weaknesses of Return of the Jedi, is still the highlight of the entire series:


#7

I was lucky the first time I saw Rear Window, in that I genuinely didn't know what was going to happen and brought nothing with me to the viewing experience beforehand. For many first-time viewers nowadays, that may not be the case. Nonetheless, the climactic scene is still great:


#6

If you ask someone who's seen it, they'll probably tell you Heat is a great film. Then why the **** doesn't it get more credit? It seems to be the great film that everyone forgets to mention. The heist scene in it is the best of its kind, and one of the best scenes in film IMO:


1-5 to come later.

The English Empire

This article explains why I will always have a job. Well, unless, non-native speakers in countries like Korea learn the language well enough that they could speak it to their students...haha, like that would ever happen.

I also dig the spelling mistake in the pic from China, there...it's supposed to say "One World One Dream." Yup, that about sums the whole thing up.

English Teachers Harming Korea, Again

This time kind it's actually kind of true, and not an exaggeration in the media about drugs/sex/pederasts/etc., though it's no fault of the teachers in question.

An English teacher brought swine flu with her into the country not too long ago, hung out with a bunch of other waegukins, and they all wound up being put in quarantine. You can read their blog about their ongoing ordeal here.

And here's another one.

Roger and Me

Hey! HEY! Look over here! You're not going to be distracted from my witty musings by some soft core porn, are you?

Seriously, I searched google images for "star trek" and that was one of the first images that popped up. So, I thought, why not? Besides, it's a shame Enterprise was canceled just as it was hitting its stride.

But I digress. The point of this post is thus: I have come here to bury Star Trek, not to praise it. As far as I can tell, in the near future, the Star Trek that we pasty corpulent bug-eyed geeks loved a little too much, well, that Star Trek is dead. Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek is long gone.

I saw the movie. I saw it the first day it came out, in one of the first screenings. I couldn't wait to jump into it. And for the first 30 minutes or so, I was really digging it.

But then something stupid happened. Then another fortuitous dodge, another lucky duck, another chase scene, another witty line dropped perfectly post-action scene-climax, another wink at the camera, another unBElievable coincidence, another shot of the inarticulate brooding villain in his cavernous pointy Death Star, another Ewok scene (yes, by Zeus' beard there's an actual Ewok in this movie (Scotty's sidekick)), another shot of Winona Ryder attempting to emote...and...I'd had enough.

This is an action movie. Don't get me wrong, I like action movies. I like action movies because they're an excuse to have a carefree 2 hours and down a bucket of popcorn. But Star Trek is supposed to be something more than that. It is supposed to have a message. Yeah, that means it won't always be as popular as franchises like Star Wars or Die Hard. But it will be better. And by trying to blend those two popular film series and slapping the name "Star Trek" on the regurgitated steaming pile of excrement you've produced, you're devaluing the series overall. And that pisses me off.

Yes, I'm a geek, and yes there's a great Onion story that essentially zings me (see below), but at least I'm not completely alone in this view. Roger Ebert essentially agrees with me (or less presumptively, I with him). So I guess I'll have to take solace in that.


Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Uh, the universe is an awesome place

I've always said I want to live forever, not because I think I deserve to or that my extended lifetime would contribute anything more to humanity or posterity or whatever. It's for purely selfish reasons: I hate thinking about all the cool shit I'm gonna miss out on after I'm gone.

I just know that the day after I get smacked by a bus the Vulcans are gonna drop by to say hi, or scientists will invent some sort of consciousness-saving machine, or we'll finally have a fat free yogurt that doesn't skimp on flavor.

Articles like this one only reinforce this notion. An unimaginably vast entity/mass/something that's sucking the rest of the universe towards it just beyond the cosmic horizon? This is the first I'm hearing of something so unbelievably fucking cool. It makes you wonder what else is out there. And notice how the author speculates wildly about what it could be:

"the dark flow theory hints that this mass, or super structure, could be anything from another universe to a realm of whimsical fancy whose physics, forces and warped space-time are completely beyond any of us. Unicorns, flying cars, cats and dogs living in harmony, you name it and it could be true, as we'll never, ever make it there to find out first hand."

That is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. I just know that in ten generations or so people're gonna be zipping around in their personal spaceships out to X Zone for a weekend of hedonism limited only by their imaginations while I'll be maggot meat.

But I suppose I should count my blessings. Think of all the things I have now that they lacked 10 generations ago. And most of what I take for granted today would have been inconceivable and frankly terrifying to someone from the distant past. Remember how when they showed the first movie in that Paris theater the people ran screaming for their lives out of the building because they thought the train was going to come out of the screen and crush them? Who knows what kind of hilarious freak out I'd have were I to encounter the technology of the distant future?

No one. And no one ever will. Tear.

According to "Protect a Cow"

Bob Dylan is an occultist and either an ally or a pawn of the Illuminati who promotes alcoholism and "cow murder." Thank the stars for youtube, the crazies finally have their forum. Check out this video and don't miss the last 10 seconds, they're the best part.

Hello, I'm Deathnote

This article about the popularity of English names among the English-speaking Chinese was interesting, I thought.

Basically English names persist because a) non-Chinese speakers find most Chinese names impossible to pronounce and b) they're viewed as "cool" for a variety of complex cultural reasons.

I've never liked the whole English name trend, and I prefer to address my students and anyone else I meet by their real name, whether I butcher its pronunciation or not. Fortunately Korean names, for me at least, are a lot easier to pronounce than their Chinese counterparts.

The author briefly touched on how so many Asians with English names make bizarre choices and stick with them even after being counseled that their appellation of choice sounds ridiculous to the native ear. That's certainly true. When I was in China, I taught a moon faced girl named "Ocean" and a shifty eyed boy named "Flea." The strangest name a student ever had, tho, was "Deathnote," pronounced "Deasuh-nosuh" by Koreans. I just can't see anyone with that sort of English name rising to be a CEO or Senator someday.

I am so totally not a racist, but...

...is there anything that strikes you as funny about this video?

"Don't worry, I am rich!"

My boss is a nice and decent guy, which by hagwon standards makes him a frikkin saint. I have absolutely no (serious) complaints so far which is pretty amazing. Appraising a hagwon as such is similar to saying the same about an airport - to have no complaints is about the highest praise which can be given.

His English is also pretty good, and if we were again to apply typical hagwon standards that would make him a savant amongst his peers. He has a meeting with S (the other waegukin teacher) and I every week in which he lays out the upcoming schedule and we go over any problems or issues. This meeting always happens on Monday, which was today.

Today's meeting was like a good, new song: familiar but also different. He again reiterated that we were both doing a good job and that there have been no real complaints from mothers of late (which astonishes me every time I hear it, knowing as I do how prickly Korean mothers can be and how susceptible they are to the exaggerations of their delinquent offspring). He also reemphasized that the Korean economy continues to suffer and because of that many parents are pulling their kids out of hagwons to help make ends meet. He even provided a worrisome factoid to drive home that point - our school currently has an "enrollment" of about 150 students, the lowest level since its founding 6 years ago.

This detail provided, he segued into a lengthy digression during which he tried to reassure the quiescient S, and the similarly demeanored I, that our jobs and the position of the school were secure. Naturally this automatically caused me to wonder if the school is indeed solvent or if I am soon to have something else in common with those throngs of recently-laid off Wall Street bankers other than the fact that women find us irresistible. Visions of the 100,000 word Newsweek article I read this weekend about Bernie Madoff insisting up until the very end that all was well flashed through my head. But Mr. Kim was persistent, and quite long winded, and there's something to be said for numbing the minds of your inferiors with near-endless blather, after all it worked for Hitler. And he even at one point blurted out a hearty "don't worry, I'm rich!" which was both reassuring and amusing, kinda like a holiday Far Side cartoon.

Not that I'm worried, I'd land another job easily here. But to quote Marge Simpson: "I've dug myself into a nice little rut here." And I like it.

VenomFangX and Inevitability

I stumbled on this guy's videos on youtube via a long ago "debate" he had with a vlogger I've watched a few times, the subtly named "Amazing Atheist." I thought he was a smarmy idiot and I wrote him an email telling him so, but I have to admit I also clicked "subscribe" at the same time. I wanted to see what else he'd get up to.

The answer hasn't surprised me, and really, considering the fact that he's youtube's version of a televangelist, it was inevitable. Feel free to waste time watching this video in which he, shock!, talks about all the money he's making:



Notice how he cleverly defends stealing from a bunch of idiotic well-wishers to fund his bullshit ministry. "Oh, I only asked for $1, but...ok, if you WANT to give me $500, well, God bless you" etc etc. If this guy had only been born a coupla thousand years earlier he'd probably have churches built in his honor today.

A typical VenomFangX fan:


I love what she does with her arms!

Rice Tards

I feel I must link to this post.

Rice Tard. Ha.

The Story of My Life

Holy Shit, There's Another Dylan Album Coming Out

Why didn't anyone tell me? This came as a shock to me.


Of course I'm excited to hear new Dylan stuff, but I have to admit I'm a little ambivalent about this. Modern Times, his last record, was a frikkin masterpiece, as were the two that preceded it, Love & Theft and Time Out of Mind. Eternal skeptic that I am, I'm a little worried about whether or not the master can keep this going. Will this new album be another "Slow Train Coming" or another "Under the Red Sky?" (To non Dylanologists, that means, will this be a unique but successful album or a uniquely terrible one?)

Anyway I'm looking forward to finding out for myself.

Update: well I've listened to the pre-release single, which you can hear here, and I love it. Hope springs eternal. Love the accordion.

The Force Is Strong With This One

I saw this guy's videos on youtube and thought I'd share. He pretty much sums up my feelings on Star Wars better than anyone else I've ever heard. Enjoy:

Korean Students Are Some of the Best in the World at Math

Here's why:

Facebook and Birthdays

It was my birthday last week. Don't worry, I didn't care either.

I'm still young, but I'm getting to the point where birthdays are no longer a cause for celebration.

"Has it been ANOTHER year already?" I've asked myself on the birthday eves of recent years during which the impact of the day is considered.

And nowadays, not only do you have to deal with the real life stresses of the anniversary of your birth, but you also have to deal with all the goddamn facebook well-wishers.

I deliberately removed my birthday from my account several months ago, in the hopes that the day would pass unnoticed, and there were still a dozen of so people who were compelled to wish me a happy day. Here's a message to facebook birthday whores: fuck off.

I don't want to hear from you. I'm not going to wish you a happy birthday on your page when your day rolls around. I don't care about your birthday and I'll thank you to return the favor. If I see you in real life, and it's your birthday, I'm happy to wish you the best. But via facebook? Nope.

And now comes the worst part. I have to write insipid little thank you notes to all of these goons. Every fucking one of 'em. If I skip over ONE PERSON, then I guarandamntee you that person will be super offended.

"Why did he thank janie and not me?" judie will ask herself. And then she'll cry her fat little face to sleep.

It's times like these that make me want to abandon it all and get a shack in the woods, Kacyznski-style.

The Funniest Video on the Internet

After hours and hours of research, I've finally found it. Here it is:

I am proud of my ears today

Tho I'm 26, and knocking on 27's door, and 28 in Korean age, I passed the teenager annoying noise test:

Created by Train Horns

Takeshima is an Island in the Sea of Japan

Waitwaitwait...god help me if any Korean should read that title. What I meant to write was "Dokdo is an island in the East Sea." A thousand mianhaeyos.

Let me take the time to get our international readers and uninformed Korean residents up to speed. You see, (some) Koreans have a tendency to go to extremes in defending against what they perceive to be slights against their national...er, what's the word?...image, I guess. And there is nothing that fires 'em up more than the Liancourt Rocks, to use the neutral appellation. You can read about their dispute with the evil Japanese here, and also look at lots of pretty pictures, which is of course much better than reading.

The article was published in the Boston Herald and what I really loved about reading it were the comments, from presumably Korea-ignorant Bostonites, about how crazy all the Korean protesters are. It comforts me to know that impartial observers can validate my own perceptions here inside the bubble. Let me quote Baffled:

"Wait. What? Some random citizens chopped off their fingers to protest an international debate over ownership of these islands? Like, how the heck is that a "protest"? I mean, I could understand donating money to the cause, or joining the military, or protesting outside the Japanese embassy, or writing letters to world leaders or newspapers or whatever.

But decapitating birds and lopping off your own body parts? That's just a major wtf. I mean...how does that convince anyone of, well, anything? "Hey, you Japanese! Yeah, you guys! You better give up those islands or else I'm going to chop my leg off next! That will teach you not to mess with us!"

If I was a Japanese strategist I'd set up bingo games with my co-bureaucrats, timed with Japanese press releases, as to what body part we could induce people to chop off. "Left big toe? Bingo!""

Sick Again

Yes! By virtue of the dubious gift of a decade old computer from my boss and the visit of, as he put it, the "Internet KT engineer," I have private internet access again. Which means I can, for the first time in 6 months or so, renew my addiction to all of the internet's glory.

First among these addictions is youtube, of course, and since I've spent the past 3 or 4 hours of this lonely Valentine's day watching old favorites and new unseen videos on the site, I thought I'd post one of my favorites.

The first part of a debate between one of my favorite modern philosophers, Christopher Hitchens, and his most capable and articulate opponent, Dinesh D'Souza, on the new and rarely talked about question of "Does God exist?":

Super Bowl Imnida

I woke up bright and early this morning at 10 AM to catch the second half of the big game, and I'm glad I did. I was pulling for the Cardinals to get the upset but the Steelers deserved the win just as much as they did, and it was a great finish.

I was watching the Korean language broadcast and enjoyed both the overenthusiasm of the play by play man (every time there was a catch, even for 2 or 3 yards, he'd scream "DROP PASS") and the announcers' obsession with Heinz Ward, who's half Korean. Ever since he won the Super Bowl MVP in 05, he's become a Korean hero, even tho before this happened my guess is that nary a Korean national had ever heard of him.

What was funny is that he didn't really do anything important in the game, and yet they'd mention his name over and over again. My Korean skilz are still definitely lacking, but this is how I imagine it went:

Dude 1: Rothelsburge (sp) back for the pass.

Dude 2: Oh, Smith is open! He throws....

Dude 1: SHORT PASS!

Dude 2: 1st down!

Dude 1: That was a great play. And they couldn't have done it without Heinz Ward blocking on the other side of the field.

Dude 2: Definitely. Heinz Ward was instrumental in that play.

Dude 1: Yes, yes Heinz Ward was. Heinz Ward was important in that play. Heinz Ward.

....

Where's the Tin? Wuxi Be Damned (Part 1)

Well, I've said some nice things, now's the fun part: wailing on the city that gratiously accommodated me for the past 5 months like it was a disobedient Iraqi prisoner. Problems I had during my Wuxi experience:


The co-workers - man have I been waiting to talk shit about these guys. First, I want to make it clear, that I had no problem with my Chinese co-workers. They weren't the chattiest or friendliest bunch but they were more or less sane and helpful. My problem was with the other laowais (foreigners) employed by my school...

My students were enrolled in a German sponsored program designed to eventually send capable students abroad to study business and earn a bachelor's degree in said field. As such, throughout the semester we cycled through a roster of guest lecturers, predominantly Germans, and predominantly crazy. As Matt Damon would remind us, there were some good Germans. R., who was there for the first two months or so of my contract, was a decent well-balanced normal fella with whom I shared many a beer. The Sirens, as I ironically thought of them, were three attractive and normal-acting gentle-ladies of my own demographic who were also committed to taciturnity, unlike their namesakes. And there were some older fellas who seemed perfectly fine, but with the exception of an interesting half-hour discussing the blitzkrieg with one guy who was 70 or so I didn't interact with them much.

But then we come to the crazies. M, who was a German of Korean ancestry, and whom R had talked up and later introduced me to eagerly (since we shared a Korea connection) was fucking batshit crazy. At first I thought he was just one of those insecure people who talk too much about themselves, and who're commonly encountered among expatriate circles. But I think it was when he and I were walking down the street, cross current through a river of motor-bikes, and I made some innocent comment about being annoyed by all of them, and he then jumped in the air and with a way too loud "hee-YAH!" tried to dropkick the next bike that crossed our path, I think it was then that I knew he was crazy...

Then there was T, whose passions included talking about himself, talking about history, talking about anything basically. Imagine it's a sub-zero early morning. Imagine our hero, underdressed, shivering, waiting outside at the bus stop for the university's bus to take him to work. Imagine T, an even slighter, portlier fellow than our hobbit-like central character, at his elbow. Imagine 30 minutes have passed by in this Siberian purgatory, and Anthony is trying to hail a cab because it doesn't seem the bus will ever come. Frostbitten toes and fingers. A noseless future. Cold that makes me curse myself for ever damning the sultry sufferings of summer. And T is following me around like a guardian angel, totally ignoring the crisis at hand, and together with the cold talking my fucking ear off about the 7 year's war. This guy never shut up. Never ever ever. I can see him now, a doomed 3rd class passenger in the bowels of the sinking Titanic, consoling sobbing co-passengers with his thoughts about sauerkraut.

There was also Mr. S, who I more or less grew to like but who bugged the hell out of me at first. He was the other English teacher, and was a native Mauritian with Canadian residency. He'd lived an interesting life it seemed: he had published several books about Mauritius, served in its foreign service, and traveled extensively. He was also much older than I, and tho he couldn't hold a candle to T, he too was no stranger to over-speaking and seemed to be an expert in everything. He claimed to be a trained hypnotherapist, and insinuated several times that he would be happy to put me under to cure whatever ailed me. He believed in past lives, and his wife, D (who I only met once) was a renowned psychic (supposedly). (When I asked her to read my palm, all she would commit to was that I had a hard time holding onto money - which is certainly true, but considering that I was on my 5th or 6th $7 jack and coke at that point I remain dubious.) He also claimed to be a Christian, and when he finally squeezed it out of me that I was an atheist he kept bringing up issues of faith over and over again. He wore sunglasses inside almost all of the time, and a ring with an oversized purple gem on it constantly. He had more children than a Catholic prince, and all seemed to have accomplished great things - one was a brilliant doctor, one was the former Miss Mauritius, that sort of thing. But as I said I grew to like him, well, that's going too far...let's say I grew to dread his company less and less.

There were others, but I've covered the two I loathed the most, and Mr. S who was arguably the most intersting, and in so doing have expended more words than they merit. More Wuxi negativity to come.

Who Needs Tin? In Praise of Wuxi

("Wu Xi" = "No Tin")


Well, I made it out. I've left Wuxi, and I've no plans to return*. There were a lot of things that bugged me about the place, and we'll get to that, but I thought it best to focus on the positive first, and to praise the city as much as I can. Good things about Wuxi:


The People - the Chinese people that I came to know during my brief stay were, all in all, friendly, outgoing, helpful people. They may have been surprised to see a foreigner walking down the street, but they weren't leery of me, either.


The English - English was spoken more in Wuxi than in any other foreign city I've lived in. The Chinese, unlike the Koreans, seem to be much more willing to gamble "losing face" and speaking broken English to the laowai. Random everyday people: taxi drivers, McDonald's workers, strangers in bathrooms, travel agents...all were willing to try and communicate with me in my native tongue rather than bombarding me with a string of incomprehensible derka. I appreciated that.


The Food - the Wuxi style of Chinese food is a little sweet for my tastes, but there's a reason Chinese cuisine is one of the world's favorites.


The Foreign Amenities - Wuxi had more foreign bars, restaurants, and shops than any other Asian city I've lived in. There were 6 or 7 dedicated laowai bars/cafes, compared to Incheon, which has 2, and Bucheon which has 3. Again, Wuxi +1.

The Omnipresent KFCs - holy fried chicken Batman, the Chinese are crazy about KFC. It's like Starbucks in Seattle, there's one on every corner. I found the fare to be alarmingly disgusting, but the ubiquity of the chain and its popularity with the Chinese I found to be, well, cute.

The Work - all in all, I enjoyed my job. The students were fairly advanced and fairly attentive, and the hours were great. I didn't care for the hour plus commute each way, but that's a minor quibble.

The Next Door Neighbors - Wuxi's close (an hour or so via train) to a lot of attractive cities - Shanghai, Nanjing, Suzhou and Hangzhou. Incheon has Seoul, and that's it, and Seoul's got nothing on Shanghai. Well, maybe a little something, but not much.

The Prices - I wasn't making much, which was part of why I left, but day to day I lived quite comfortably on under $20/day, and this includes boozing, taxi rides, things like that. China can be quite cheap.

That's about it.

*Of course, I wrote something similar after leaving Korea the first time

Of Dinner Parties

Why, oh why, did I answer the phone? When I came home Wednesday night I saw that I'd missed a call from my boss, and I knew there were only two reasons she might be calling: 1)something super important has happened and I must be informed (revolution, earthquake, etc.) or 2) she's inviting me to another staff party.

I'd deftly avoided previous engagements. I, ahem, forgot completely about my invitation to the first dinner party, and I, ahem, was sick the day of the end of term school-wide party and couldn't make it in. But when she called back a few minutes later, I, dumbass that I am, answered. Who knew? #1 could've been the reason.

It wasn't. And I couldn't say no again. So I agreed to attend the department farewell dinner the following day. Which was last night.

There's a reason I hate attending these sorts of things, because I know exactly how they'll go. And last night was exactly as I expected.

I'm seated at a table with a bunch of Chinese teachers with whom I've shared an office for four months of minimal social interaction. They're chatting away gaily in Chinese. I'm alternating between taking bites of the fatty slabs of meat circulated around the table on the lazy susan and sipping my awful Great Wall red wine. Someone from another table, half-drunk, comes to ours and toasts our health and the new year. Everyone stands up, clinks glasses together, something is said in Chinese, and we sit down. Back to the awful food and awful wine. No, wait, here comes some more awful company! Everyone stands up again, toasts the gathered company, and sits again. Repeat repeat repeat.

After two hours I excused myself. Well, I didn't make an excuse, I just got up, said happy new year, and left. I must remember not to answer the phone.

"The Wind Began To Howl"

It's coming...and I can't wait. The super cool Japanese Watchmen trailer:




And the older one's still good, too:

Scrutiny

Tuesday was final exam day for the 2nd years, and it was a long day.

Mr. S and I had decided to combine classes and judgment in order to give a more balanced assessment of the students. One by one the students had to come into the cavernous meeting room, sit down across from us at the oversized table in an uncomfortable chair, and try to speak for 3 minutes or so about some random topic.

I'd been uncharacteristically industrious and drafted 18 possible topics for my students to speak on, ranging from the more basic "what are your plans for the future?" to questions requiring a little more nuance, such as: "why is corruption so rampant in China and how can it be prevented?" Mr. S was less so, he prepared three topics, the first two moderately difficult and the last one more general "do you like to travel? Describe some travel experiences yadda yadda." About 70% of his students spoke on that topic. By the end I was ready to poke the next student who began speaking about travel in the eye with my pen.

Mr. S allowed his students to choose their topic, I selected the topics for my students when they sat down and only gave them one minute to prepare. Mr. S's students were better-polished because of it, but I was satisfied more or less with my students' performance. There were some delightfully schadenfreude(sp)-ian moments, tho, like when a student who'd been absent from my class since September walked in to take the final as if nothing were amiss. I told him to speak about this topic: "why branding is so important for global companies." We'd covered it in class. He looked at me doe-eyed and said "what does this mean, branding." I said "we talked about it in class, now either speak or get out."

Well, really I was a little kinder. But the douchebag still failed.

Each examination required about 5 minutes or so, the first minute for them to prepare and make notes, three for them to speak, and the last minute for follow up questions and getting the next student situated. 5 minutes each. We have about 150 students. You do the math and then ask yourself why I slept in this morning.

If your answer is because I'm lazy and I don't have to go into work today, give yourself a gold star. In fact, I don't have to go into work for quite some time. Ah, the joys of university life.

Year In Review - Audio/Visual Awards

(Because you demanded it...more wikipedia links!!)


And we (that's the royal we, btw) wrap up our look at 2008 with our ridiculously out-of-touch take on the best films, TV shows, and music experienced by...guess the pronoun...us.


Best Film: (Tie) The Dark Knight and the inexplicably poorly reviewed Funny Games. Both films had me on the edge of my seat.


Best TV Series: LOST, season 4. They really got the show back on track with this season, and I can't wait for season 5 to start.


Best (newish) Album: Back to Black, Amy Winehouse. Ok ok, I know this came out in 2006, but I don't listen to that much new music and I didn't get this until 2008. But it's a great album.


Best Guilty Pleasure: American Idol, season 7. It's a good think nobody reads my blog otherwise I'd be embarrassed to admit I watched every episode of this...


Best Individual Episode: Goodbye, Toby. The last episode of The Office's season 4. The running gag about Kevin being mentally disabled had my sides splitting.


Most Listened-To Song: Pressing On, from the Bob Dylan gospel songs album. Yes, I listen to gospel music.


Most Watched TV Series: Star Trek DS9. Earlier in the year I downloaded a few seasons and watched them in Korea, a few weeks ago in China I found a 7 season DVD package and have been working my way through that. It's still probably my favorite show of all time, definitely my favorite drama.


Most Anticipated Film of 2009: Watchmen. Boy I hope they don't fuck it up. I'm also looking forward to the new Star Trek and Harry Potter films. Yes, I'm a geek.

Why I Hate The Chinese Internets

1. Go to any computer in China.

2. Log onto the internets and type in "google.com."

3. Wait 15 seconds for the page to load.

4. Close the window, and open a new one.

5. Type in "google.cn."

6. Notice how the page loaded instantaneously?

The Year In Review - The Tonys

(Also with Wikipedia links!!)

No, not those Tonys, these Tonys reward moments in our (not so) young (anymore) hero's life during the past year.

Best Moment of the Year: The epiphany I had sometime in September about never going home again.

Worst Moment of the Year: (Tie) Borrowing money from my parents, again. And waking up in a sleazy hotel room in Rome with about 100 bug bites all over my body.

Most Embarrassing Moment: hob-nobbing with the Wuxi-German glitterati at a local night club, drinking too much, and let's just say attracting too much negative attention to myself.

Best Places I Visited: Koh Samet, Thailand and Barcelona.

Worst Place I Visited: Naples. Maybe it was the garbage in the streets, the slack jawed scoundrels on ever corner, or the fact that I spent most of my time there scratching said bug bites, but I didn't like it. The pizza was good, tho.

The Hey We Should've Planned This Award: Missing out on the running of the bulls in Pamplona.
Strangest Culinary Experience: Eating fish heads for dinner in Wuxi. Runner up: eating homemade kimchi jigae with some Koreans Joey and I met in Paris (thanks to his "waegukin" shirt) - it was delicious, btw.

The Aren't We Friends Award: Throwing beer on Dave and then fighting in the streets of Florence. Good times.

Worst Airline Experience: 7 hours from Dublin to New York next to a chatty well-fed Irish lass.

It Could've Been Worse Airline Experience: 14 hours New York to Beijing with an aisle seat and an empty seat to t'other side.

The Bad Blokes Award: Me, Dave, Bryce, and Stephen, for getting too drunk and almost starting a fight with a bunch of Irishmen. Details here.

Favorite Engrish Encounter: "Sun your buns in hell" on a T-shirt.

Best Asia-Themed Youtube Video: Kickin' It In Geumchon.

Year In Review: Book Awards

(Now with Wikipedia links!)

My 2008 book awards, drafted by the committee of me, approved by me, ratified by me.

Best New Book I Read: The Yiddish Policemen's Union. Who knew Alaskan Jews could be so treacherous and so much fun?

Best Book I Didn't Finish: A Perfect Spy. Not because I won't, it's just that I started this in the last week of the year and haven't gotten through it yet. If it finishes as well as it's begun it might be the best spy novel I've ever read.

Best Book I Re-Read: (Tie) Lolita, Foucault's Pendulum, Victory, Harry Potter 6. I re-read a lot of books this year, and these remain among my favorite books of all time. Christopher Hitchens re-reads Lolita every year, and I have to say that he's on to something. I was languishing with an insipid turd of a novel (see next entry) when I came across a copy of Lolita in a Barcelona book store. I picked it up (my 3rd copy of it, actually), dropped what I was reading and didn't regret it. Foucault's Pendulum is another of my favorites, those masters of the world are just always interesting to me. Victory is one of my favorite Conrad novels in part because its hero reminds me so much of myself. And for pop-lit giddiness there's nothing more fun than the tail end of the Harry Potter series.

Most Disappointing: The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana. Eco is the author of some of my favorite books (the aforementioned Foucault's Pendulum and The Name of the Rose) but this one was a self-centered dud.

Maybe The Nazis Were Right Award: Gravity's Rainbow. Let me quote from the wikipedia page:

"Frequently digressive, the novel subverts many of the traditional elements of plot and character development, traverses detailed, specialist knowledge drawn from a wide range of disciplines, and has earned a reputation as a "difficult" book."

Ha! Difficult doesn't begin to describe the pointless meandering and constant confusing shifts in perspective and setting. Trying to read this novel is essentially signing one's self up for a headache. Burn it!

The What Did I Get Myself Into?!, But...It's Still Interesting Award: Guns, Germs, and Steel. This book is bigger and drier than the Sahara, but, some of its ideas are very important.

Don't Skimp On The Editor Award: I Am Charlotte Simmons.

Best Fantasy Novel Called "The Hobbit": The Hobbit.

Most Read Author Of The Year: John le Carre. This year I read Call For the Dead, The Honourable Schoolboy, Smiley's People, The Night Manager, Single & Single and The Mission Song (and I'm almost through A Perfect Spy). This man can write.

Book That Inspired Me To Write Something Myself: Travels With My Aunt. I think I wrote almost two full pages of fiction before I went back to watching TV.

Started It But Saved It For Later Award: Cryptonomicon.

Hat's Off To My Hero Award: Nostromo, by my personal hero (one of them anyway) - Joseph Conrad. When I came to China I brought this and the two other Conrad novels that have inspired me - Victory and Lord Jim. I fully expected to read Lord Jim first, I was after all a stranger in a strange land and somewhat on the run like Jim, but for whatever reason I didn't get around to it. I was in no hurry to get back to the sprawling Nostromo, I'd only read it once and quite liked it but it wasn't as impactful for me as the other two. I picked it up on a lark one lazy Starbucks afternoon and didn't put it down for quite a while. I had remembered the portrait of Sulaco, the political intrigue, the dire appraisals of men with ambition that is so typical of Conrad, but I also remembered after reading it the first time thinking the novel had been wrongly named. Nostromo, the character, though a large part of the story, doesn't figure prominently until the last acts of the drama. The novel could have just as easily been named "Gould" or "DeCoud," two other characters in the story. Well, I was wrong. I appreciated it much more during this second reading, and I think the novel is aptly named because of Nostromo's fate - his death (all great Conrad characters die at the end of their stories, except Marlow) is our lesson.

Well, that's enough navel-gazing for now. More to come.

The Year in Review

I'm a world away, at least culturally, but I try to keep up to date on what's hip. You have no idea how embarrassed I was when I returned home last time and had no idea who Miley Cyrus was (still don't).

One way I often use to get a read on what I've missed is the ever popular year's best lists that show up this time of year. Amazon.com, metacritic, the New York Times...everyone's got one. I take a gander at them and then I know what I should've picked up last year and what I should look into during the next.

With the end of the semester and dawning interregnum boredom seems statistically very probable for your's truly. So the other day (actually, last night, I couldn't sleep - you try sleeping on a mattress that's as soft as a moon rock) I said to myself "Hey, Anthony, why don't you make your own? Sure, you're ridiculously out of touch and no one gives a damn what you think, but heck, it'll pass the time."

So I think I will.

Bloggers' Best 2008

I thought this story was interesting, and I wanted to pass along the link.

Also: Happy New Year! So long 2008...it was an up and down year for the world, and the same was true for me. I had some really good times, and some really bad ones. Here's hopin' 2009'll be more stable.